Sunday, November 15, 2015
Paw Paw VS Ma and Pa
A person in my life that I have vivid memory of is my grandpa. When I was small, I couldn't say 'Grandpa', so 11 years ago, Albert Latronya became Paw Paw. To all of my siblings grandpa was full of fun - In fact, he was entirely made of fun. We all remembered all of his favorite expressions, which would make our day. Paw Paw would yell,"No way, Cleo!", Grandpa would yell, and in response we would shout back, "Yes way, Cleo!". My younger siblings would tell him about parts of their day such as school, ballet, and their pets, and at random times during the story, Grandpa would roar out, "No kidding!". Times like these reminded me to remember that life should be fun and anything but dull. I, the oldest of my siblings remembered the most about Grandpa but we all remember how very predictable his clothing was. For one, he was always wearing a short sleeved shirt with a pattern of either stripes or plaid. The loose shirt would cover his big round belly. When Paw Paw wasn't relaxing, he'd be in the garden pulling weeds and planting flowers and vegetables. I remember how his hands felt after the gardening, like paper. I knew Paw Paw was very proud of us nine, although he had never said it. Alas, he had died 1 winter ago from a heart attack. I remember Paw Paw when I look at the pictures on the walls. One of them is me with Paw Paw and we're reading a comic book upside down. He did this so that we could laugh together. I will remember that marvelous event and how much he loved me - unlike Ma and Pa would ever. Ma and Pa were very nice and friendly people if you had met them, and they would've told you everything that happened in their household except for the reality. The reality, which they had never shared with anyone, was that they were completely insane. Once I had gotten an - A on my test and they beat me until I cried. They did the exact same with my nine siblings. Paw Paw was the only member of our family that treated us like actual human beings. My parents only cared for our good grades. Dear reader, you must now be wondering how Paw Paw would tolerate his own daughter treating us so poorly - and the answer to that is that he couldn't control her. They absolutely despised and treated us like slaves. Over the years of misfortune, I have observed a pattern in their behavior. Cleo, my nine year old brother is one sharp kid. He get A+'s on every test, and gets treated better. He started to win awards for his amazing brain, such as the Spelling Bees, etc. These awards led to cash prizes, and that's when things started to get out of hand (not that they were in hand but....). Ma and Pa went completely insane - and this time I mean it - they went crazy about all of the money that Cleo was getting from his cash prizes. They began spending time counting their (Cleo's) money and forgot to feed us. That's when at night, we started to go to Paw Paw's house and eat a hearty dinner there, while watching TV. The funny thing is that Ma and Pa hardly noticed that we were gone. And so, that is the BIG difference between Paw Paw and Ma and Pa.
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Dearest Princess Sophia,
ReplyDeleteIt was a pleasure reading your fictional writing while feeding on my greens during lunch break. It was very amusing and thorough pleasure to see my girl beginning to write almost like an adult. I'd even argue better than most adults.
This was a very good character sketch of the fictional Paw Paw. I loved the name that you picked, Albert Latronya and Paw Paw and details of what he wore and how his hands felt after gardening. Recollection of events with Paw Paw are surely entertaining and amusing. Introduction was strong and very good.
Some general feedback about writing follows.
1. Instead of writing long stories as single paragraphs, try and break down your writing into smaller and logical paragraphs. A brief introduction paragraph, followed by couple of paragraphs capturing key memories and events would have been perfect.
2. Round off peripheral details clearly in your stories. Are there just 2 siblings or did you say you were nine siblings with you being the eldest?
3. Cleo is a sharp kid and wins prizes, cash prizes? Really? And Ma and Pa become greedy for those cash prizes. Thats a stretch even in fictional story.
4. Paw Paw dies of heart attack somewhere in the middle of your story. You could've elaborated on it and provided details on how it made you feel. Make that connection.
5. End the story with another pleasant recollection of an emphatic event that makes you remember him fondly.
6. Lastly and I cannot stress enough, always proof read your work before you hit the Publish or Send button. Once its out there, you cannot pull it back. Proof reading your work is the best way to refine and improve your writing so that you are proud of your effort.
On the whole a very good piece of work. Keep it up!
Ciao.
Your loving Baba.